i can't really sleep and i've been thinking bout my life how unhealthy it have been.. my life should be for God and yet like what adriel been telling me.. i swear too much.. i use WAY too much vulgarities.. i need to change i really do.. i have to live a life for God not for me or anyone.. and im also very prone to peer pressure.. man when i actually think bout it i have lots of weaknesses that i really have to change for the better.. and when i think bout this.. it reminds me of when i was sec3 b4 i met "ms nice" i was skipping church, going to lan shops doing all these bhind my mom's back and lying my way through all the way getting myself out of trouble.. i thought no one knew and i could well just do things my way.. but God knew God knew it all.. i didn't feel welcomed in church i didn't have anyone i didn't know anyone.. until God sent "ms nice" to invite me to cell.. that's when i decided to live a more Godly life.. to stop skipping church to live for God alone.. but deep inside that's not why i went to church i know it.. and after awhile we all split cells and well now.. im way better than b4 for sure but well i know deep inside im not what i show on my face.. currently im happy being CM and in saltshakers and all but i don't think im "strong" enough to be a CM i don't think im devoted enough.. in actual fact i didn't want to be CM at all.. i didn't skip the leaders' training cause i couldn't make it i skipped it cause i really didn't want to join them at all.. until kenneth found me.. i still don't really feel welcome as a CM personally.. i don't know any of them very well.. i feel very.. left out.. but well if this is the will of God so be it i guess..
also one issue made me think bout how great my friends are.. they don't backstab they don't talk behind my back , they don't do stuff that make me loss that smile.. they do things that make my smile bigger im really glad for all my friends i thank God MOST for these bunch of friends.. they're really awesome!! to all my friends!! THANK YOU FOR MAKING ME LOVE LIFE!! ILL NVR FORGET YOU GUYS!! NEVER!
and well this led me to something else..somehow.. everytime i see you i feel happy.. =/ but everytime u look over me like im not there, talk to me like you dun wanna talk to me at all like u find me irritating i feel " unhappy ". i just see something more in you something i don't see in others somethings.. unique?
i know some ppl are going to ask me stuff bout this post and all.. pls don't.. im just writing my thoughts out.. keeping them in me too long isn't making me feel better in anyway and im just making use of what a blog is really meant to be used for..
one of the longest post i ever wrote.. well i can't sleep and these thoughts just keep running wild in my mind.. im not emo-ing in anyway tho.. i just wanna let it out bfor it overflows..
God bless! Good days to come!
